Living in the moment is not as easy as it seems. There is a constant push from outside, and from inside ourselves, to plan the "next" thing. We plan our next destination, the one after that, and the one after that. Soon, we are stuck in a conversation about "when we get back" or "after the trip" and can lose our purpose.
Sean is much better at this than I am. My brain keeps moving when we stop for the night.
Maybe I won't ever love my job, and maybe that's okay. There is a lot of "do what you love" messaging out there, and it can be difficult to not feel pressure in finding your "passion" or your "true north." My life can be undoubtedly be filled with rich experiences outside of work, and maybe that's enough, right? Then again, why should I settle for something mediocre (cue: biggest fear)?
What I realized in writing this blog is that it was starting to feel like "work." Somewhere along the line I was getting stressed that I couldn't get a good enough wifi signal to upload my pictures. I didn't have enough time between Avery's bedtime and getting myself to sleep at to both enjoy my surroundings and get my blog done. My last post feel dry and passion-less. So, now I'm going to be a little less formulaic, a little more raw. There will be travel stuff and pictures, but you can find this stuff elsewhere on the internet.
I once had a mentor tell me that I wasn't "weird enough" for a certain school-slash-career-path. I had another friend tell me that I was too commercially cool. These things sting. Especially because I never thought of myself as particularly... let's call it what it is: basic. Part of this journey is a healing process for me; in some ways I am killing off the stale version of myself I somehow became, and getting back to the person who DGAF about whether you like what I am doing or what you think about it. Other people's opinions do not define me: I have the power to change them.
People ask us what the hardest part of this trip is, and at first I would have to say it was the heat. But now it's really coming down to making sure we are living our mission. Two people, traveling, trying to take in all of the amazing, interesting things this country has to offer and at the same time trying to juggle a toddler on a schedule. When we fight, it's usually because our communication has broken down. We don't say to each other "doing this is important to me." But really, you can't do all the things. You can't hike every trail, taste every local beer, see every site, or even eat something tasty at every meal. Some days you eat macaroni with peas and butter because you just can't add another challenge to your day, like finding a grocery store when you have no phone service. Or you lock your keys in the car in the middle of the Blue Ridge Mountains in North Carolina, so instead of checking out the park, you are waiting for a locksmith to slimjim your car door open (true story, by the way).
And if you haven't yet seen our mini-interview on Life Edited, check it out by clicking here (spoiler alert: The MacMannis family isn't a bunch of 'thinkers').